I think this will be the last blog post I make under the Lock Down Life banner.
The pandemic isn’t over but lock down appears to be. Precautions are still necessary obviously and there are still restrictions here and there but I guess the idea is to make people feel less imprisoned in their homes etc…
From my point of view though there are so many more restrictions constructed by my mind. I feel constantly judged about any actions I may take and the phrase “socially distanced of course” is so engrained in messages I send that I think my phone does it automatically. I have become weary of feeling the need to justify everything I do that vaguely harks back to the time before, or involves taking steps into dealing with the new normal in my own way. I know all of these feelings are completely fabricated by the bit of my brain that spends its entire time trying to convince me that I am not good enough, and just lately it’s become really good at what it does.
I am still not back at work so that dread is hovering around and making me feel uncomfortable, like a customer who lingers too long after they have been served. However, I am doing things for work. It’s stuff that doesn’t actually fall into the remit things I am paid to do in my job and that I often end up doing in spare moments in the shop. Every year I post about items that go into our Annual Beatles Auction. The event is going ahead but will be online rather than in the usual venue. It’s been quite nice to plunge into the work and feel useful. Sure, nagging doubt about the work still creeps in but at least I’m doing something constructive and not sitting around watching TV and waiting for the inevitable afternoon nap.
Since my last lock down post, I have made some headway into getting on with things I took for granted before. At the end of last week, I finally went into s shop. It was a Greggs so relatively open plan and no aisles etc… but still I was a big deal to me. And those YumYums tasted the sweeter for the tiny achievement.
Today, a week on, I actually popped into the small Home Bargain shop near the Greggs to buy some biscuits. Baby steps, but there you go!
So what now? Keep on keeping on I guess.